Nothing to see here today, folks. Just move along! Because today, I am not sharing with you where you can celebrate the best carnival in all of Europe. I would never, ever reveal that all you have to do is fly to Porto and then drive a few hours to Portugal’s far northeastern corner. In fact, I would strongly advise you against going to Trás-Os-Montes, a place so remote and unimportant the Portuguese couldn’t ever bother giving it a real name and just called it Across the Mountains. And I would certainly never reveal that I actually went there last year and took these photos. Because it’s in the vault. All of it. After all, who in their right mind would want to ruin one of Europe’s last guaranteed tourist-free and totally genuine festivals by telling everyone they really should go to the Carnaval dos Caretos? Certainly not me! Also, before I forget, I would strongly advise both fashion designers and interior designers against checking out a website called Sketches of Iberia because there is absolutely no inspiration there to be found for, say, a new collection. Zilch. It’s just a barren wasteland. But you know what would cross the line though? Embedding a video that may or may not reveal the name of the town you’d have to go to. The place would be ruined with annoying tourists like you! And I would never want that to happen. So there.

The Carnaval dos Caretos photos I’m not sharing with you